Sunday, June 25, 2006

Ze Heart of Darkness

I'm taking this cool (open) tag from Jiby's latest post. This confession will take you folks into the depths of my mind, the darkness of my being......... a journey that would make J-Lo's "descent into hell" from The Cell look like a Disneyland outing.

RSVP. Bring your popcorn, barf-bags and all that jazz.



My Accent


Amrikkan-Hinglish-Mallu mongrel..... but I can pull off a pretty decent Bheshtern accent when I deliver seminars and presentations, when I wanna talk my way out of trouble or go to impress ze lay-dees (a little more, that is. :P ). Always wanted to master exotic accents like British, Jive, Russian, French plus languages like Sanskrit, French, Farsi, Arabic, Chinese Mandarin..... and I am working on Arabic and Farsi now.
May I end this section with a tribute to the master Amir Khusrau and quote a tounge-in-cheek (literally) couplet of his. It's relevant to this particular subject......
My beloved speaks Turkish but I do not,
Oh how I wish her tounge was in my mouth.

Booze

Nope. Nyet. Indulge in lotz of other more unforgivable sins..... thought I should leave this one out for you ordinary mortals. I'm not even into popular beverages like tea, coffee, Coke etc..... but I lavv juice cocktails, Sharjahs n shakes.
BTW, ring me when someone has invented a Biryani shake.... I'll show thee what TRUE INULGENCE is!

Chores I Hate

Cleaning the toilet, scrubbing the tub and waxing the bathroom floor. My prime motivation for getting hitched sometime in the future.

Dog or Cat

I just discovered my love for dogs. Mebbe it's their loyalty..... cats on the other hand are the vain, cocky and flamboyant gangstas of the animal kingdom.

Essential Electronics

Dell Inspiron 9300 Laptop. Myyyyy preciousssssssssssss........
W-88 type 450 kT thermonuclear warhead. Just for a horror!
My Angelina Jolie look alike android from Cyberdene Corporation. Fully functional.

Perfume

Denim Silver for Deodorant. I normally keep off deos but one can't do without them in the tandoor that's Delhi summer.
Nivea Extra Soothing Shaving Balm. Doubles as perfume too. My fave!

Gold or Silver

Silver. Definitly!
Gold's for them gals. Silver looks cool and it keeps off vampires n werewolves. :P

Home

Secret underground lair somewhere in India.
Built by the coven of the Nine Unknown Men in the year 277 BC and upgraded down the ages. Now includes an Olympic size swimming pool, a KSRTC bus stand and a 24/7 KFC outlet.

Insomnia

Hell no!
Devout Kumbhakarna devotee here!

Job Titles

Oberstgruppenfuhrer in the Bavarian Illuminati
Maha Atharvan, Propaganda Department in The Nine.

Living Arrangements

5m by 7m room, modelled on a Tihar Jail cell. Balcony with a majestic view of the surrounding evergrey concrete jungle. 1.5m by 4.5m bathroom.

Most Admirable Traits

400% harmless individual onlee.
My positive outlook. I am at peace with the world and all that is in it.
Sense of humor. I make people laugh with me..... and sometimes laugh at me.
Ceaseless quest for knowledge. Oh well, in other words I'm a bookworm.

Number of Sexual Partners

420 Humans
18 Demons
24 Yakshis
69 Houris (loaned three to Al Zarqawi. They got a virgin crisis over there.... so many Shaheeds coming in nowadays, na?)
7 Apsaras
Baba Yaga
3 Sirens
Xena, Warrior Princess
9 Nymphs
The Ice Queen
The Valkyries
8 Betazeds including Commander Deanna Troi
4 Klingnons
She
1 Wookie
22 Androids

PS: All these are females ( even the androids have Programmed Female Personality)...... in case some smarta$$e$ were thinking otherwise.

Number of Times in Hospital

Hmmm, let's see..... Born in a hospital in the previous millenium :P , high fever when I was 9, bad sprain right before my CEE exam, TB scare in 2001, high fever right before my 6th sem exams in 2002 and this *raging* fever in 2004. That's a total of six times.
Not bad, huh?

Phobias

Commitment-phobia
Claustrophobia
Ophidiophobia

Quote

"A wise warrior carries a second sword".
"Security through Obscurity".

Siblings

One little brotherji...... little by years only. The cat's two inches taller and outweighs me by 30 pounds. He's the nice kid of our little family while I am the certified black sheep and the bekaar beta all rolled into one.

Time I Wake Up

When the sun goes down and my kind can safely venture into the world of mortals....... to feed.

Unusual Talent or Skill

X-ray vision.

Worst Habit

Nail-biting.
Just a little. Only when I am thinking hard.

X-Rays

Thrice a day, after meals. Followed by UV ray irradiation and Strontium-90 capsules.

Yummy Food I Make

Crow Soup.
Ek Dum phirst class quality. For all ze insufferable untermenschen who takez Panga wit ze Anandmeister.

Zodiac Sign

Gemini-Cancer cusp.
But I am a true-blue Geminian by nature.

People I Tag

First of all...... Poooojaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Yoooooo Hooooooo.......
You know I take a certain demonic glee in saddling thee with all these tags. Especially after you asked me not to .

And who would the other three unfortunate folks be? Ahhhh..... Pink Berry (first time I'm tagging you), Lord Poison and Herr MC! Perfekt!

15 Comments:

At 4:11 PM, Blogger silverine said...

Me first!!!

Sanskrit accent? LOL

"Silver looks cool and it keeps off vampires n werewolves" What???? No Vampires and Werewolves in ze partners list?? You disappoint me :p

Thrice a day, after meals. Followed by UV ray irradiation and Strontium-90 capsules LOL

Commitment-phobia: Let's start a support group or a club :p

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger Dhanush said...

He he .. that was quite interesting ..

Finally met a Geminian In the Blogworld

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger Jiby said...

Security thru Obscurity!!!! lol...i wud have been real disapponted if i didnt see that used here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have been real frank here...man...i came into nail u down for any act of pseudo-pappanabhanism...but u have disappointed me....

wht do u mean sleep only when the sun goes down...dont u remember u, vikas and me at usc...sleeping 18-24 hours at one stretch on a hungry stomach on quite a few occasions...or have u changed!!

remember the first time u made fish curry...and pulled a half-cooked fish out of a pool of chilly powder...man i never laughed harder than that nite...but i'll have to give it u that u made tremendous improvement from that fateful day...wonder if we'll have fun days like that again in life!!!

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger Rockus said...

"Oberstgruppenfuhrer in the Bavarian Illuminati"
Thought the Pope killed ya...anyway nice to see you again! :P

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger Anand K said...

@ Silverine: Why I left those species out? Zimble reason onlee. Vampires suck and Werewolves rip you off! Get it? NJAHAHAHAHA :P

Start the Club or support-group for Commitment-Phobics? Nein, Mein Frau.... even zat requirez deikation und kommitment. :D

@ Dhanush: Danx! :)
Here's lookin' at you, brother Geminian.

@ Jiby: "Security Through Obscurity" is the code of moi life, my theme song, the OST of the movie of my life..... What to do, jeevichu pokende?

And what's this "pseudo-pappanabhanism"? Puthiya English vaakkellam kandupidikkunnallo, Rapidexinte correspodence coursinte latest set postil vannu kaanum alle? :P If you mean the occasional thallus I release once in a while in old pals company.... heh heh, athellam just for a jaada!

Sigh.... going to bed hungry. I remember, bro! Vikas's Khichdi, the 3$ stuff from KFC and the occasional Cafe grub Vikrant or Abraham or Abhijit brought were our means of sustainence. We were always broke to buy food from some outlet or too lazy to cook..... but mostly the former, right? Ethre pettana LAil kayille paisa complete pottichu pokunnathu? No wonder the ghetto folks resort to crime!

@ Rockus: The Illuminati is not just a coven, it is an idea. And you cannot kill an idea, Rockus Mian.
We live.
:P

 
At 12:31 AM, Blogger Mind Curry said...

hail anand!

very funny post buddy! laughed a lot..especially the khusrau quote..

and the search for biriyani shake begins..i shall experiment it myself..only for you..frankly though, the very thought of a biriyani shake makes me wanna throw up :)

Xena, Warrior Princess that must have been tough and memorable! were you the one in the last episode?

i already done this tag :)

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger quills said...

Herr anando...u are ze funniest!!! Very Interesting details here..

Besides you forgot to mention uber language German in your accent. :))

69 Houris (loaned three to Al Zarqawi. They got a virgin crisis over there.... so many Shaheeds coming in nowadays, na? ..ur fascination with the houris continue i see....but very noble of you to lend a few to AZ. LOL


X-ray vision ...did you by any chance get hold of those huge glasses that scared of Mohanlal in Nookatha doorathu Kannumnattu....:)

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Pinkbury said...

thanks for the censored insights into your life. I can copy paste this on my blog and write a post about what not to be...hehehe
And Whats this tagging and all?? I dont even know how that works...first time I am being tagged & ragged like this. O wanderer, pls enlighten my mind....

BTW, totally loved the kusro couplet

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger calvin said...

"My Angelina Jolie look alike android from Cyberdene Corporation. Fully functional."

:-?

:-??


Err ....may I have it ? Ok a Copy then... :D. but make sure its "fully" functional.

 
At 2:36 PM, Blogger Anand K said...

@ MC:
Oh, Xena? Well, it was epic! :P
I wasn't there in the last episode... I disowned Xena after she was "resurrected" (hate it when superheroes are resurrected!) though Julius Caesar (played by Karl Urban who portrayed Eomer from LOTR) crucified her and Gabrielle at the end of 4th (?) season.

@ Quills:
Ach Yez, Ich forgot der Deutscheslanguage! Mein Fuhrer in Himmel, pleez forgive ich. ;)
Well, I read about the Houris first when I was in my raging teens and I swore that day I would get a few for myself. Anyway, the closest thing to a Houri I have seen is that model they used in Khaled's Aicha video.... and this lady I had a GIGATON crush on sometime back.

@ Pink:
Ahhhh, I welcome thee.... thou who hast the most interesting profile pic! ;)
Tagging's an act of extreme sadism in blogosphere where one blogger creates a questionnaire or some sort of test, does it himself first and then "tags" his blog pals to do the questionnaire and then pass the tag to their pals... hence forming this chain mail thingie. (I made a tag once. You can find it in my old posts sidebar... it's titled "The Wanderer Tags").
Comprende, Senorita?

@ Aashik:
Yea sure..... I will send you the "Gia" version of Angelina Jolie.
Njoy.
NJAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA....

 
At 11:14 AM, Anonymous silverine said...

"Tagging's an act of extreme sadism in blogosphere where one blogger creates a questionnaire or some sort of test, does it himself first and then "tags" his blog pals to do the questionnaire and then pass the tag to their pals"

Herr Anand!!! You are tagged. Click on 'silverine'..this is a different kind of tag :)

 
At 11:45 PM, Blogger venus said...

i'm thihnking if the turkish woman quote was yours original ;)

I wonder which one of those 9 men founded your place- 5m by 7m room, modelled on a Tihar Jail cell. Balcony with a majestic view of the surrounding evergrey concrete jungle. 1.5m by 4.5m bathroom.

x-ray vision- No comment!!

 
At 1:44 AM, Blogger Anand K said...

@ Silverine: I hear and obey, maaaaawwwwssssterrrrrrr. :P

@ Venus: Long time no see, Aphrodite ;)

Oh no.... that wasn't one of my original compositions. Here lemme give you folks one I co-wrote with Don Michael Corleone;
Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
:P

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger Pooja said...

You know what this looks interesting, I just might do it.

"Unusual Talent or Skill: X-ray vision." => You see skeletons when you look at people. Can imagine a greeting from you when you meet some one, "hey nice skull ..'

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Anand K said...

@ Pooja: My X-Ray vision doesn't have *THAT* much penetrative power..... but I can handle anything upto denim and velcro. MUHUHUHUHAHAHAHAHA...

It has sometimes been my bane too.... There was this time I met Darth Vader on his flagship and I went "Yewwwwww.... those are some gross liver spots on your chest dude! Don't you (crack of dark side electricity) AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...."
Have been a disembodied spirit since that day. :P

 

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